As I stated, this universe was named after LeBron James, who is a champion in the league that shall remain nameless due to its lockout. And I will get to that eventually, hopefully as soon as the lockout ends.
What Happened on Earth
As you all know, neither Kurt Warner nor Tom Brady came out of college with expectations of Hall of Fame-caliber careers.
They only got their chance in the NFL when starting quarterbacks Trent Green and Drew Bledsoe went down with injuries.
In 1999, Green got a season-ending injury that thrusted Warner under the center. In 2001, Bledsoe suffered an injury that forced Brady into the New England spotlight.
And the rest is history.
What Happened on LeChamp James
In this universe, Green and Bledsoe played out their respective seasons injury-free.
And the St. Louis Rams and New England Patriots missed the playoffs as a result.
As I explained in a previous post (which can be read by clicking on the following link: http://drewrosten.blogspot.com/2011/08/nfl-preseason-history-what-if-terrell.html), the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl in the 1999 season, instead of the Rams.
As a result of missing the playoffs yet again, Rams head coach Dick Vermeil was fired, and never coached again. But perhaps the biggest victim of Green's non-injury was Marshall Faulk.
Faulk was inducted into the Hall of Fame's Class of 2011 on Earth. On LeChamp James, he did put up decent numbers.
However, the fact that he never won a Super Bowl cost him in the vote among the Hall of Fame committee. Instead, Cris Carter was inducted.
Yes, Cris Carter is a Super Bowl champion on LeChamp James. But that's another story for a future post.
Carter's enshrinement speech is still being talked about as one of the funniest (if not one of the best) in history. At the end of it, he decided to stand in the end zone, where ESPN anchor Chris Berman would throw a football toward him.
Because, according to ESPN's NFL Primetime, all he does is catch touchdowns.
But when Berman underthrew the pass, Carter yelled, "Yo, Boom! C'MON, MAN!"
Meanwhile, Warner decided to hang up the cleats after the 1999 season and go back to the grocery store. And the NFL never heard from him again.
Or did they? Let's read on...
In Week 8 of the Patriots' 2001 non-playoff season, Brady was cut from the team. Bad move, Bill Belichick.
It turns out that, as Brady uncovered on interviews ABC's 20/20 and CBS's 60 Minutes, he was illegally taping other teams' practices.
Wouldn't you guess it? Desperate to get to the playoffs, Belichick set up a SpyGate.
There's no way an honest coach like Belichick would do anything like that on Earth. Right?
Anyway, with the Patriots (as well as the avalanche of snow and "Tuck Rule") out of the way, Jon Gruden's Oakland Raiders went on to win the Super Bowl in the 2001 season.
As a result, Gruden stayed with the Raiders after the 2001 season. And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, realizing that they would not get the coach that they felt would get them to the promised land, decided to keep Tony Dungy.
After losing to the Packers in the NFC Championship Game in the 2002 season, Dungy had to find somebody who could lead a decent offense.
But where? Certainly not on the Bucs' groundskeeping crew.
Ah, but there was one groundskeeper who had a golden arm. And, to Dungy's further delight, a deep Christian faith.
"Well, coach, I'm just hoping the Lord sends me back to the NFL, if he chooses that as my path," the groundskeeper said to Dungy during minicamps leading up to the 2003 season.
"Well, this may be your lucky day," Dungy said.
After an impressive training camp, Dungy named this groundskeeper the starting quarterback. And that groundskeeper, thy name is Kurt Warner.
Warner and Dungy led Tampa Bay to a Super Bowl victory, and two more afterwards.
After their third Super Bowl victory (in the 2008 season), the Buccaneers took a trip to the White House to meet U.S. President...
...John McCain.
Yes, John McCain. Because Kurt Warner never joined the Arizona Cardinals, they remained a mediocre football team.
With no quality NFL teams to root for, Arizona residents focused their energy on getting McCain into the White House. Some residents, all of them Republican, temporarily relocated to different swing states in an attempt to make themselves eligible to vote in those states.
A successful act that led supporters of Barack Obama to scream, "C'MON, MAN!"
As I explained in a previous post (which can be read by clicking on the following link: http://drewrosten.blogspot.com/2011/08/nfl-preseason-history-what-if-terrell.html), the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl in the 1999 season, instead of the Rams.
As a result of missing the playoffs yet again, Rams head coach Dick Vermeil was fired, and never coached again. But perhaps the biggest victim of Green's non-injury was Marshall Faulk.
Faulk was inducted into the Hall of Fame's Class of 2011 on Earth. On LeChamp James, he did put up decent numbers.
However, the fact that he never won a Super Bowl cost him in the vote among the Hall of Fame committee. Instead, Cris Carter was inducted.
Yes, Cris Carter is a Super Bowl champion on LeChamp James. But that's another story for a future post.
Carter's enshrinement speech is still being talked about as one of the funniest (if not one of the best) in history. At the end of it, he decided to stand in the end zone, where ESPN anchor Chris Berman would throw a football toward him.
Because, according to ESPN's NFL Primetime, all he does is catch touchdowns.
But when Berman underthrew the pass, Carter yelled, "Yo, Boom! C'MON, MAN!"
Meanwhile, Warner decided to hang up the cleats after the 1999 season and go back to the grocery store. And the NFL never heard from him again.
Or did they? Let's read on...
In Week 8 of the Patriots' 2001 non-playoff season, Brady was cut from the team. Bad move, Bill Belichick.
It turns out that, as Brady uncovered on interviews ABC's 20/20 and CBS's 60 Minutes, he was illegally taping other teams' practices.
Wouldn't you guess it? Desperate to get to the playoffs, Belichick set up a SpyGate.
There's no way an honest coach like Belichick would do anything like that on Earth. Right?
Anyway, with the Patriots (as well as the avalanche of snow and "Tuck Rule") out of the way, Jon Gruden's Oakland Raiders went on to win the Super Bowl in the 2001 season.
As a result, Gruden stayed with the Raiders after the 2001 season. And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, realizing that they would not get the coach that they felt would get them to the promised land, decided to keep Tony Dungy.
After losing to the Packers in the NFC Championship Game in the 2002 season, Dungy had to find somebody who could lead a decent offense.
But where? Certainly not on the Bucs' groundskeeping crew.
Ah, but there was one groundskeeper who had a golden arm. And, to Dungy's further delight, a deep Christian faith.
"Well, coach, I'm just hoping the Lord sends me back to the NFL, if he chooses that as my path," the groundskeeper said to Dungy during minicamps leading up to the 2003 season.
"Well, this may be your lucky day," Dungy said.
After an impressive training camp, Dungy named this groundskeeper the starting quarterback. And that groundskeeper, thy name is Kurt Warner.
Warner and Dungy led Tampa Bay to a Super Bowl victory, and two more afterwards.
After their third Super Bowl victory (in the 2008 season), the Buccaneers took a trip to the White House to meet U.S. President...
...John McCain.
Yes, John McCain. Because Kurt Warner never joined the Arizona Cardinals, they remained a mediocre football team.
With no quality NFL teams to root for, Arizona residents focused their energy on getting McCain into the White House. Some residents, all of them Republican, temporarily relocated to different swing states in an attempt to make themselves eligible to vote in those states.
A successful act that led supporters of Barack Obama to scream, "C'MON, MAN!"
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.